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This page is funded by the Royal Borough of Kingston upon Thames, Community Resilience Fund
What is bereavement and what is grief?
Bereavement is when someone important to us dies.
Grief is the set of feelings we go through after someone dies.
Grief can feel different for everyone and might include sadness, anger, confusion, or even feeling 'numb' or 'in shock'. It's the way we process and cope after someone close to us dies.
If you are a young person looking for support for yourself, a friend or loved one we have plenty of information and we can point you in the right direction. We have split information into categories that young people we spoke to wanted to learn about. If you think there is information missing, please let us know via info@healthwatchkingston.org.uk or 0203 326 1255.
At the bottom of this signposting page we provide links to other helpful websites that provide more information about bereavement and grief services and support.
What does grief look like? How long is the grieving process?
Mind have a useful page which explains this in more detail. But the short answer is that grief will look different for different people and there is no time limit for how long you will feel the way you do. Your feelings can also go up and down as you move through life, and this is perfectly normal.
Grieving for someone who is still alive
Young Minds share Laura’s story of what it was like to grieving for a partner that was in a coma. There are other examples of when someone can grieve while someone is still alive and Alzheimer’s Society have a page on grieving for someone with dementia.
How to support someone who is grieving
One of the key messages from people who have experienced loss is that they do not want people to completely ignore them. It can be an uncomfortable situation, and Cruse Bereavement Support have some good advice on how to support someone who is grieving.
Support for yourself and Connected Kingston
Support and information are available online and face to face through local service providers.
Connected Kingston is a site dedicated to helping Kingston residents find local activities and services. On their bereavement and support after a death pages you will be signposted to services, peer support cafes and more.
You can also speak to your GP and below we share why it’s important to do that. Winston’s Wish provide Talk Grief which is an online support service. At A Loss offer practical advice as well as signposting to services and Kingston Bereavement Support offer support via the Saying Goodbye Project.
Support after a suicide
‘Research shows that those of us bereaved by suicide may have especially complicated feelings’ Mind
Mind have a page that can help you understand how you might be feeling if you are bereaved by or grieving because of suicide. Locally, Kingston has a strategy for suicide prevention, which includes links to support if you are having a mental health crisis.
Help is at Hand is a resource for people bereaved through suicide or another unexplained death, and for those helping them. It has been produced by Support After Suicide Partnership.
Telling your school or college
Most likely your parents / guardians will speak to your school / college on your behalf. Whoever tells them what has happened it is important your school / college know you have been bereaved or in grief so they can offer practical support, so that teachers are aware of what is happening in your life, which could be affecting your behaviour.
Hope Again, have a page with tips on how to handle exams while grieving as well as other useful resources.
Speaking to your GP
If you feel you need support it is important to reach out to your GP. This can be tricky if you have not built a relationship with your GP, but it’s important to know you can speak to your GP about how you are feeling if you want to.
“It’s important to reassure the bereaved (those grieving) that what they are experiencing is a natural human response to one of the hardest things we experience in life.” Dr Vishahan Retnasingham
Support videos and people’s stories
There are lots of online resources available for you, including videos which have practical advice as well as other young people sharing their stories. Child Bereavement UK, has lots of videos aimed at young people, parents and professionals. Hope Again (the youth website of Cruse Bereavement Support) has lots of videos from young people sharing their stories and what has been helpful for them as young people going through a bereavement and Talk Grief has a page of ‘Real Voices’.
Differences in faith, beliefs and life philosophies
Different faiths, beliefs and life philosophies, will have different approaches to bereavement / grief and you may be interested to learn from a friend about their communities’ culture. If the faith, belief or life philosophies you are looking for are not on the pages below, please contact YOL! / Healthwatch Kingston on info@healthwatchkingston.org.uk
Death customs of different faiths (mariecurie.org.uk)
Factsheet: Death and funerals in world religions - Religion Media Centre
Bereavement-in-different-cultures.pdf (rhn.org.uk)
What happens at a burial and a cremation
Knowing what happens at a cremation and burial can you help you prepare yourself. Child Bereavement has pages explaining what happens at a burial and what happens at a cremation. Both pages have short, animated videos to help you understand.
Practical and legal things to do
When someone dies there are practical and legal things to do. Kingston Council offers information on what happens when a loved one dies, the differences between what you do when the death is expected or unexpected, how to register a death, support paying for a funeral and other practical information here.
If you want to speak to someone to help you understand Kingston Bereavement Office is available to answer questions and you, your family and friends can get support or advice on the practicalities of funeral arrangement, cremation / burial process and arrange a guided tour (to help bust myths) on either 0208 547 5717 or bereavement@kingston.gov.uk
Information from Healthwatch Kingston
Healthwatch Kingston are the local champion for people using NHS and social care services. They listen to people’s experiences and share these with local providers to help make services better for local people. In 2022 they published their Bereavement Services and Support in Kingston: Community Engagement Report and also have an All About: Bereavement / grief services and support page on their site dedicated to local services.
Links for more Support and Information
Saying Goodbye Project (Kingston Bereavement Support)
Support After Suicide Partnership